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April 26th 2016:

As I prepare to go vote in the democratic primaries, I decided it’s perfect timing to share this short essay I never posted. The following essay was written immediately after I voted in 2015’s Pennsylvania elections (gubernatorial, etc), on November 4th.

If you’re reading this and reside in PA and are registered with your party and it’s still April 26th 2016 – GO VOTE! And no bullshit excuses, because the only thing worse than “just one vote” in a world of potential corruption or “choosing between the lesser of two evils” (or whatever rationale) is the fucktard that oh-so-conveniently hides behind such an excuse. People who don’t vote (yet are capable; an important distinction) are assholes, and don’t deserve the voice they use to complain about why they choose not to vote.

And as one last attempt: if you’re on the fence about voting, then there’s a possibility that a cartoon could help you decide. Here’s something I whipped up last night for such a person:

Give A Hoot

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November 4th 2015:

As I walked back from the South Philadelphia Senior Center, my local voting place, I saw a black woman in late 30s-40s hanging Tom Wolf for Governor door hangers on the side across the street from our home. She already hung one on our door, as well as the other doors on our side. I wanted to tell her “I just voted”, to see if she’d ask me for whom; and even if she didn’t I would offer that it was for whom she is hanging these for.

Instead, I just took the hanger off, unlocked my door, and walked in, while keeping the door open (but screened door closed), as it’s an unusually beautiful day – given the frigid weather as of late.

I walked through the living room, then dining room (though they’re not really separate rooms, as any row home resident knows), into the kitchen. As I put the political hanger on our fridge with a magnet amongst the other political hangers I hear a conversation start up outside across the street.

Before talking about the conversation, I think it’s important to acknowledge the differences in political “junk mail” our door step has seen. From Wolf: it’s essentially just “Vote for Wolf; polls open 7am-8pm”. From South Philly Democrats: it’s “vote democratic: 201, 202, 204; or push button #2”(straight ticket democrat). From Corbett: it’s an appeal to second amendment rights, and Corbett’s record versus the rights-stealing Wolf. I appreciate itemized breakdowns over generalities, but only when it’s not fear mongering nor propaganda.

Anyhow; I hear my elderly south Philly white neighbor across street start to, seemingly aggressively, talk to the lady passing out the Wolf door hangers. He says, “I already voted” in a stern voice. As I thought, “I wonder for whom” and “boy, does he sound angry; this can’t be good,” the lady politely says “Oh, I’ll just take this from your door then. Thank you for voting.”

He responds “yeah, I already voted; and so did my youngest son. We voted for Wolf.”

She sounded a bit taken back (so did I, frankly), and replied a quick canned response about the change Pennsylvania needs from someone like Wolf.

He agreed, then started to open up with why he voted for Wolf, and how he feels just terrible for the state’s teachers. His voice continued becoming more welcoming. They then started to have a short-but-specific conversation about issues they have and see with the state of Pennsylvania.

Although south Philadelphia leans democratic, I live on a street where I’ve heard neighbors complain about “jungle monkeys” encroaching into their neighborhood, from what “should” be their east-most barrier of Broad Street (our block is east of Broad). Given that sentiment, I was afraid for the lady hanging door hangers when I heard a neighbor sternly say, “I already voted”.

I enjoyed the experience that I witnessed so much – and how my initial perception was, thankfully, wrong, that I decided to start typing in a Notes document in my iPhone what had just happened. As I’m now wrapping up, I look outside in time to see another neighbor take the Wolf door hanger off his door angrily and through it to the ground.

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As I’m working through the process of being better at blogging, I decided to do a 2014 roll up of some gems I posted outside of my blog. Goal for 2015: post IN the blog.
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September 2, 2014

4:01pm
Woman on cell phone in train, breaking up with boyfriend. Only person talking. Among many gems being said: “It’s like we’re a thousand miles apart; one here and one in China.” That sounds about right.

4:03pm
She’s kicking him out of the house too. This rules.

4:05pm
Ahh!! And now the division of material goods! Who gets what in the break up?

4:05pm
“Before i met you i didn’t know what stress was. Ever since you i’ve been nothing but stressing and crying every five minutes.”

4:07pm
I really don’t get it. If a girl wants to break up, why should it take this long? If a guy is getting dumped, why don’t you take it and quit trying?

4:07pm
I hate people. Why doesn’t she just talk to herself via facebook posts, like normal people.

4:10pm
She got off Overbrook. Party’s over.

4:10pm
I wonder if they’ll work it out…

4:17pm
As ridiculous as this event was, i have to admit that i am both perplexed and slightly in admiration of those who give so little shits, and can openly dump their loser significant other, and have no qualms talking feelings, sex, living conditions, and problems at full volume with no regard for others, nor their judgments.
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April 22, 2014
I’m fairly certain the guy sitting next to me waiting for the train either just wrestled with unbathed junk yard dogs, forgot how to wipe his ass, or just shat himself; or some combination of the three.
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May 22, 2014
I don’t think AT&T thought this all the way through.
Duck Boat AT&T
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May 30, 2014
These actions, when on their own, are perfectly acceptable; however when they are in concert they make for an awkward interaction:

1: Walking behind a mother walking her child to school.
2: Having chapped lips, and therefore licking them.
3: Realizing your belt is too loose; adjusting your belt’s tightness.
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July 18, 2014
My wife’s (maria’s) social media manager (maria) told me that my social media director (maria) and overall social media presence are awful. I promptly fired my social media director (maria) and hired my wife’s social media manager (maria), who i hope to see naked someday. I hope that solved all my problems.

[full disclosure – Maria is my wife]

Maria Colorado

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October 1, 2014

8:29am
Call me elitist, but i don’t think those who leave a film behind on seats should us public transportation.

8:51am
It’s not an exaggeration either. There is a physical residue left behind. It’s hardened and clumped, and looks like bug droppings.

8:52am
Also, as some point, they kissed someone through the window. Or just kissed the window. Either way, there are greasy nose, lips, and chin marks left behind.

8:56am
Proof.
Septa Print
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October 18, 2014
For Maria ‘s social media talk at PAFA today, i told her she should open with: “My artist social media campaigns focus primarily on Friendster, MySpace, and AIM away messages.”

I really hope she remembers to mention site building with free tools like Geocities and Angelfire, as well as communicating with fans on ICQ.
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November 18, 2014
Yesterday evening: walked through two unique urine streams in station. This morning: wiping off dead skin flakes from train seat. This evening? I can’t wait to see.

There’s something to be said about being grateful that you only stepped in bodily fluid. I thought i stepped in feces at first, but piss? Ah, the rain just washes it away.
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